For the Boy Moms Out There

Today was one of those days where I had planned on mostly staying home all day. Doing not much but relaxing while waiting for the rest of the snow on the driveway to melt away because a 15 passenger van vs snow and ice on a gravel driveway is just not always fun.  But I quickly discovered we were completely out of chicken food and the birds must be fed so my plans changed. As I was walking out the door, I was informed of a few more items that we were also completely out of that just could not wait until payday in another 10 days. This does make me wonder why no one else can write down on the fridge when we are low on items but I digress.

So after the feed store, I headed off to the grocery store. Alone without any children, the grocery store suddenly becomes a lot more interesting than it would be otherwise and I find myself wandering aisles, wasting some time, and enjoying the relative quiet.

While wandering, I overheard a few parents having one of those discussions. The oh my gosh, it is so hard having x number of kids. One Mom piped up with "And I have all boys so that just makes it worse." As a mom to 8 boys, this is what I wanted to say:

I get it. Being a mom to a bunch of boys is hard. Oh so hard when they are little. They are a huge ball of energy and often never stop moving. Jumping off stairs and bouncing on the couch.  Climbing trees and finding every single mud puddle in a 10 mile radius. They are loud. Oh so loud that it can drive you to distraction. The nerf guns that have darts flying by your head with uncanny accuracy followed by a chorus of "But I was aiming for my brother, not you." And the smell. When you have more than one boy sharing a room, it has a way of developing what we lovingly call the boy funk around here. And those appetites. Where do they put all that food? And the growth spurts and holes in the knees of every single pair of pants they own and so many holes in their sneakers from using their feet as brakes on their bikes. Holes you are likely to not notice until the day they can't find their dress shoes and thus wear their sneakers to church.

I get it. It's hard. Wonderful but sometimes oh so hard. But then one day it changes. It changes because we aren't just raising boys. We are raising men.

Men who can help and take care of things on their own. I now have 4 boys who are much older. 2 are actually adults now. How the heck did that happen? I can't remember the last time I had to clear the snow off the van. In the winter, I almost never have to pump gas. I never shovel the driveway or mow the lawn. They can change the oil and change tires. They can pull a car out of a ditch or rescue me when the van is stuck in the driveway AGAIN. (Not like this happened this morning when I put the van into a snow bank at the end of the driveway or anything.)

One of them has a gift with building things and has made his own tool bench without plans using only scrap lumber. He's building shelves in the garage to help keep everything off the ground.  He still manages to leave tools all over the yard but he's starting to get a little better now that he has his own set.

Raising a handful of boys is not easy. Society certainly does not help us in this challenge anymore. There is very little real guidance provided for these young men as they try to navigate what being a man truly means.

They still eat a ton. They still grow like weeds. They still love to get messy and obsess over things that have no meaning to me. But they have become such a tremendous blessing now that they are older. So just hang in there. And remember that they don't stay this little forever.

Busy Weekend

Have you tried out the Home Depot Kids Workshops yet? If not, you are missing out on a wonderful FREE resource to share with your kids. Particularly if you have any crafty kids or kids who want to always be the one helping out with any projects at home.

This month I took 7 of the kids with me. Liam still loves to get a hammer in his hands any chance he can and Katie likes to come along to help with Seamus (because she is too big to do a project on her own she says). We made butterfly nesting boxes and as soon as the snow melts, we'll search for 6 places in the yard to hang them up. Maybe plant a few extra butterfly attracting plants.

The rules may vary by store but at our store you just show up. No signing up needed. This is great because we can go when it works with our schedule and not go when we are too busy. But check your local store because some do have sign up requirements.

We also finally got around to making our Pascal Candle. We took a super easy route this year because last year I ordered the pascal candle making kit from Illuminated Ink. Then I got to feeling rather sick and the project never got done. In fact, the 2015 pascal candle making kit is still somewhere in the house. So this year I lowered my standards and we finished the project. I call that a win.

Plain white tall candle (available at Aldi's or the Dollar Store), pascal candle print out from a creative person online. Project complete. We even managed to remember to take it with us on Sunday to get it blessed by Fr.

The Empty Jar

You see that empty canning jar? Yes, the picture is awful but it's not the point. That jar. My favorite Christmas gift this year.

Why? It was simple and a reminder. A reminder I needed.

You see the paper taped to the jar? That paper has a note from one of the children. The note says:

To Mom and Dad: A jar of nothing for the people who have it all.

Ok, it is quite possible the child behind this gift was just looking for something simple, easy, and free. But I see something else.

I see a reminder that even with all of the chaos, the medical bills, the car repairs, the kids who are behind in school, the laundry that won't stop, the appliances that keep breaking, the darn freeloading chickens who won't lay eggs right now. In the midst of all of that chaos, when I've been oh so sick for weeks, going on months. When the baby isn't quite gaining enough weight to keep everyone happy, when we are still struggling to find a parish where the entire family feels at home and we are struggling with our faith. In the midst of all of that. We do have it all. And that is just what I needed to hear.

Playing in the Creek

Random Christmas Decorations

We keep decorations fairly low key around here. Even more so the past few years because I just don't have it in me to do much else. But here's what we have hanging around the house this year.

 This is probably the best Christmas gift we received the first year we were married. A nativity scene made by my Grandmother. For the past few years I couldn't find a place to set it up but a few of the kids got it down this year and found a safe place to set it up away from prying hands.  I used to always have a child friendly set out each year as well but parts have gone missing to those and this is one set I just don't want to get broken.

 The kids decided the stockings needed to be hung up this year. Admittedly, I am not happy about this one because she who is responsible for filling the stockings was planning on not filling them this year because, well, there are budgetary issues and I'm tired of the junk that usually fills them and then gets tossed a few days later. Seriously, why do we do that? Buy cheap stuff only to have it end up in the garbage a few days later? Sigh. But the kids wanted them up so they are up.  Maybe they won't eat all the fruit today and I can stash an orange in them or something.

Our friendly kitchen snowman. A new addition this year but something I saw on-line and decided it was just too cute and easy not to attempt.

This is an awesome Christmas poster I ordered from Illuminated Ink. I seriously love that store. The kids are enjoying coloring this door sized poster in a bit at a time.  The first day it went up, there was a small cry fest as someone else colored Mary in before Ellie got a chance to and she was a wee bit miffed.

 The lights on our pre-lit tree died while in storage so while digging for new ones to put on the tree, they found some actual working outdoor lights and hung them up outside.

Right now the kids are downstairs making a few ornaments for when we decorate the tree tonight.

 Ok, just some of the kids. Today we are having an all day movie fest so some kids are vegging in front of the tv. And, yes, I am totally ok with that.

 These ornaments came from two no glue needed kits I found at Target a few days ago. Already on clearance and perfect for keeping the younger ones busy.

 These five were in a Christmas play at church. Ok, the guy running it desperately asked me to let the kids participate. I said we just couldn't afford the tickets when you did the math (yes, they charged for it as a breakfast fund raiser type thing, don't ask). So he said I'll give you a really great family deal because we really needs kids to participate, and, well, you have a lot of kids. They made up  half the cast. Seriously.

 Ellie made it through rehearsals and then decided she'd had enough and just was not up to playing the sheep part during the play even if she did get to do it with Robert.

 And, of course, St. Nicholas came to visit. I have so many kids that their shoes don't all fit in one picture. And, yes, the kids dug out shoes for Seamus for some reason. Just please ignore the mess by the pellet stove because, well, I was not in the mood to clean it all out before taking the pictures.

Here's hoping your Advent has been a fruitful one.

Gabe's First Communion

Our parish gave the opportunity to have First Communion in December this year as well as May and I jumped at the chance. Something told me it would be a much smaller, more intimate experience this way. After doing everything from just 1 kid alone due to schedule issues to small groups of kids to medium groups to one year with every kid in a large parish (total chaos), I knew that for our family the smaller celebrations are much better.

Gabe was joined by 3 other kids, including one of his close friends. Our new priest did a great job of relating to the kids (seriously, he's awesome at explaining things to the kids) and we took the opportunity to get a few new pictures of the whole gang.

Congratulations Gabe.

Apple Picking 2014

Stokoe Farms 2014

Last weekend was military appreciation weekend at Stokoe Farms which meant the entire family got free admission. These are the deals I love. It's not that I think the kids need to do these kinds of activities at all really, but every so often it is nice to be able to take them for something special.

The weather was a bit cool, sometimes rainy so we were one of the very few folks who ventured out. I love when things work out that way. No lines, no waiting, and the kids had a blast.

Introducing the Latest Edition

Just a quick note to say we welcomed our latest son last Sunday early in the morning.  Seamus Paul arrived 5 weeks early and spent a week in the hospital learning to eat. Ok, he knew how to eat. It's just that he's too tired to care much about it. A trying week of trying to convince the doctor and nurses that the biggest issue was the mandatory only feeding every 3 hours schedule in the NICU that is the absolute worst thing for breastfeeding newbies.  He was finally released on Saturday and is doing much better now that he's on Mom time and not NICU time.

We stopped by to visit my grandparents on the way home. A trip that confirms it doesn't matter how many little ones you have held. Each one still is a little miracle. Yup, kind of a blurry picture from Alan's phone. We weren't completely expecting to have the baby when we went to the office on Friday so we didn't pack the camera.

Rights and Obligations of Parents to Direct the Religious Education of Their Children

The following is a guest post from Jeffrey Hite at Barely Controlled Chaos regarding a topic that I know many parents struggle with when it comes to preparing your children to receive the sacraments. You prep your kids at home, know they are ready, but then you approach your parish and are turned away. Your child is refused the sacraments unless you jump through hoops designed by that particular parish. Is a parish legally allowed to do this according to Canon law? Absolutely not. Read on to find out why not.


Recently my wife and I attended a home schooling conference.  To be honest, half the reason we went was because we had managed to talk my parents into staying with the kids so that we could get out of the house without the kids for the weekend.  I think we have managed that twice since we have been married.  Not that we don't like taking the kids with us you understand, but sometimes you just need some adult time.

Despite this, I was pleasantly surprised by the conference.  I didn't spend a lot of time looking over the program before we went, and the first day we really just kind of wandered to whatever talk was going on at the moment, at random, still I learned a lot and was happy to be able to catch a talk by Patrick Madrid.  I have enough other experiences to fill probably two other blog posts, but I mostly want to talk about the last talk that we attended.  This talk was given by Mr. Phillip Gray a Canon Lawyer and member of the St. Joseph Foundation.

Much of this post is directly from the talk Mr. Gray gave on the last day of the conference.  I did a good deal of digging once I got home, but without him, this post would not have been possible.


I really want to talk about this, because I think it is something a lot of parents, home schooling or not, face when dealing with sacramental preparation for their kids.

There are a lot of important documents here, most of which I will link in the text and at the bottom, but also two that I want to mention up front because they have special significance here and are very helpful,  The Charter of the rights of the family (which is right on the Vatican's website) and Responsibilities and rights of parents in religious education (which you can get from Seton for about $2)

So here are the basics:

It is the obligation of parents to educate their children.  Not only in their faith, but also over all. You might remember saying so when your child was baptized. Something along the lines of:

You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God's commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
It is the obligation of society (that includes but is not limited to The Church) to provide support, and not hinder in any way that education. (See the Charter of the rights of the family.)

And it is the right of the parents to determine what societal support (again including but not limited to The Church) is right for them an their family and their children.

So what does all of this mean? I am going to limit my discussion to sacramental prep because with general education there are country state / county / and other governmental laws and regulations that come into play. You can learn more about that on the HSLDA website, and that is a whole other can of worms that I don't want to get into.  Since Sacramental Preparation is only regulated by The Church we can talk about that here.

As the parent you have the obligation to train your children in preparation for the sacraments.  You, as the parent, have the right (not the obligation) to use whatever sacramental preparation program that your parish, diocese or even arch diocese offers.
The wording of that is important.  That means that it is not the director of religious Ed, the deacon, the priest, the pastor, the bishop or even the Arch Bishop who gets to determine what religious ed program, or sacramental preparation program you use for your child(ren).
They cannot make it a requirement that you use their program, no matter how great it is, how much work they have put into it, or how much they really want you too. More than that, they cannot have higher standards for your child, because your child didn't use the program they recommended, than they would for a child who did use their program.

It also means that the director of religious Ed, the deacon, the priest, the pastor, the bishop or even the Arch Bishop do not have the authority, again going back to the Charter of Rights of the Family, over how your child is to be catechized, and in no way may any of them usurp the primacy of the authority of the family.
 
I do want to make it clear. It is the job of the Priest or in the case of Confirmation the Bishop to make sure that your child is in fact, prepared for the sacrament, but that does not mean that they can make it mandatory that you use their program, or that they hold your child to a higher standard because you didn't use their program.

Pope Saint Pius X said that in order for a child to be prepared for Holy Communion they must ONLY be above the age of reason, and be able to tell the difference between regular bread and the Body of Christ.  This right to salvation, supersedes the knowledge we like to impart.

See theCongregation for Catholic Education
where they talk about the parents as the primary educators and these programs the teachers in the schools the pastor or whoever else, are secondary to the parents. This is also backed up by Charter of the rights of the family and further backed up by Can. 793 §1 - §2Having said that I want to repeat that it is priest's responsibility to make sure that a candidate is prepared for the sacrament.  For example:

Can.  891 The sacrament of confirmation is to be conferred on the faithful at about the age of discretion unless the conference of bishops has determined another age, or there is danger of death, or in the judgment of the minister a grave cause suggests otherwise.

"or there is danger of death, or in the judgment of the minister a grave cause suggests otherwise" Otherwise the candidate needs to meet the three other requirements.  But note that one of those requirements is not that the candidate used the parishes program.  Priests do need to be a filter to make sure that candidates are properly catechized, but they and as parents you also need to know what that means.  Remember that it is the Church's role is to assist parents in the education of their children.  That is by divine law.  Because the family is the primal unit in society, and it is The Church's role support the family.

Alright, so that argument might get you past Reconciliation and First Holy Communion, but what about Confirmation.  In the United states under the USCCB there is complimentary legislation that states that the bishop can determine and age for receiving confirmation.

USCCB: Complementary Norm: The National Conference of Catholic Bishops, in accord with the prescriptions of canon 891, hereby decrees that the Sacrament of Confirmation in the Latin Rite shall be conferred between the age of discretion and about sixteen years of age, within the limits determined by the diocesan bishop and with regard for the legitimate exceptions given in canon 891.

It might surprise you to know, that the above arguments also apply to these age requirements.

The Congregation for Catholic Education

in the 1998 case said, "Such complimentary legislation must be interpreted with respect to the general laws of The Church, (Reference 889 §2.)  This making the Diocesan norm is subordinate to the general norms governing the reception of the sacraments."    In this case, and according to Mr. Gray, the majority others the Vatican sided with parents, and the Bishop was told he needed confer the Sacrament on the child.
The Congregation for Catholic Education also said in the same 1998 case,

"Sacred ministers may not deny the Sacraments to those who opportunely ask for them are properly disposed and not prohibited from receiving them.

... Indeed, the longer the conferral of the sacrament is delayed after the age of reason, the greater will be the number of candidates who are prepared for it's reception but deprived of its Grace for a considerable period of time.

and in the Council of Trent:

[Page 58]

ON CONFIRMATION
CANON I.-If any one saith, that the confirmation of those who have been baptized is an idle ceremony, and not rather a true and proper sacrament; or that of old it was nothing more than a kind of catechism, whereby they who were near adolescence gave an account of their faith in the face of the Church; let him be anathema.
It is clear by these two that if you present your child for confirmation and you have properly catechized them and they are above the age of reason then they should be able to receive the sacrament.  But what does Canon Law say about this?

Can.  843 §1. Sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who seek them at appropriate times, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.

Can.  889 §1. Every baptized person not yet confirmed and only such a person is capable of receiving confirmation.

§2. To receive confirmation licitly outside the danger of death requires that a person who has the use of reason be suitably instructed, properly disposed, and able to renew the baptismal promises.

You can clearly see that Canon Law confirms both what the Congregation for Catholic Education and what the Council of Trent has said.

Did you know that Confirmation is supposed to come before Communion? If you have ever been to a Easter Vigil Mass when they bring in RCIA candidates and they do the confirmation before the holy communion.  Believe it or not, that is the way it is supposed to happen. The doctrine of The Church states that order of Sacraments should be Baptism, Confirmation, Reconciliation, Communion. That is because confirmation completes baptismal Grace.  Take a look at The Council of Trent.

ON THE SACRAMENTS IN GENERAL

CANON I.-If any one saith, that the sacraments of the New Law were not all instituted by Jesus Christ, our Lord; or, that they are more, or less, than seven, to wit, Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, Penance, Extreme Unction, Order, and Matrimony; or even that any one of these seven is not truly and properly a sacrament; let him be anathema.

And again quoting the Congregation for Catholic Education
said in the 1998 case,

"Sacred ministers may not deny the Sacraments to those who opportunely ask for them are properly disposed and not prohibited from receiving them.

... Indeed, the longer the conferral of the sacrament is delayed after the age of reason, the greater will be the number of candidates who are prepared for it's reception but deprived of its Grace for a considerable period of time."

In conclusion, If you have instructed your child in the sacraments and they are properly prepared, then they can receive the sacraments.  But what do you do if the religious Ed director, the deacon, the priest, the pastor, the bishop or even the Arch Bishop say no?  It is laid out in cannon law and is based on Mathew 18.  If you have a problem with your brother, go to him.  If he does not listen take witnesses, if he still does not listen take him to The Church.  That last step is where the St. Joseph Foundation comes in and can help you appeal your case.

You can learn more about the St. Joseph Foundation and how to contact them threw their website

Lest you think that I am just reading into this what I want, here are most of the references to the original documents I have referenced above. I have linked to most of them in the text but in case you missed them or just want to get to them faster, here they are again:

The Code of Canon Law
The USCCB
Congregation for Catholic Education
Council of Trent
Council of Trent - The 7th session (where I pulled most of my information
Charter of the rights of the family (which is right on the Vatican's website)
Responsibilities and rights of parents in religious education
St. Joseph Foundation
and the HSLDA website

Can. 793 §1. Parents and those who take their place are bound by the obligation and possess the right of educating their offspring. Catholic parents also have the duty and right of choosing those means and institutions through which they can provide more suitably for the Catholic education of their children, according to local circumstances.

§2. Parents also have the right to that assistance, to be furnished by civil society, which they need to secure the Catholic education of their children.

Can. 794 §1. The duty and right of educating belongs in a special way to the Church, to which has been divinely entrusted the mission of assisting persons so that they are able to reach the fullness of the Christian life.

§2. Pastors of souls have the duty of arranging everything so that all the faithful have a Catholic education.

Can. 795 Since true education must strive for complete formation of the human person that looks to his or her final end as well as to the common good of societies, children and youth are to be nurtured in such a way that they are able to develop their physical, moral, and intellectual talents harmoniously, acquire a more perfect sense of responsibility and right use of freedom, and are formed to participate actively in social life.

And

Pope Saint Pius X said that in order for a child to be prepared for Holy Communion they must ONLY be above the age of reason, and be able to tell the difference between regular bread and the Body of Christ.  This right to salvation, supersedes the knowledge we like to impart.

And
 

Can.  843 §1. Sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who seek them at appropriate times, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.

Can.  889 §1. Every baptized person not yet confirmed and only such a person is capable of receiving confirmation.

§2. To receive confirmation licitly outside the danger of death requires that a person who has the use of reason be suitably instructed, properly disposed, and able to renew the baptismal promises.

Can.  891 The sacrament of confirmation is to be conferred on the faithful at about the age of discretion unless the conference of bishops has determined another age, or there is danger of death, or in the judgment of the minister a grave cause suggests otherwise.

USCCB:

Complementary Norm: The National Conference of Catholic Bishops, in accord with the prescriptions of canon 891, hereby decrees that the Sacrament of Confirmation in the Latin Rite shall be conferred between the age of discretion and about sixteen years of age, within the limits determined by the diocesan bishop and with regard for the legitimate exceptions given in canon 891.

Cherry Picking

We headed out to Whittier Farms for our annual cherry picking expedition. I love that this place is small and family run. No higher prices to allow for touristy crap. And it's where Bryan worked last summer so we get to enjoy people actually knowing us a wee bit.

 I wasn't able to get too many pictures  before my camera died. I fear that this time it just might be dead, dead. Hoping not but we shall see. Given that Alan's camera only focuses half the time and mine only works when it wants to, I think we may need to start shopping for cameras again. Sigh.

We now have a bit more than 30 lbs of cherries to eat and process this weekend.  A say a bit more because they did give us a slight discount. Yet another thing I like about small family run places. The folks running the register have the ability to do such things for you just because.

And I think I heard a couple of kids talking about going out to check on the cherries in our yard and the raspberry bushes. Not that I think any of that will make it into the  house.