Thursday, May 4, 2017

How to Make Dinner. . .Or Something

Read carefully for an easy step by step tutorial on how to take dinner a family other than your own. Be sure to follow along exactly. If not, disaster may strike.

Step 1: Remove the chicken and broccoli casserole freezer meal you made a few weeks ago from the basement freezer the night before and place it in the basement fridge to defrost.

Step 2: The next afternoon, send a child downstairs with instructions to bring up the casserole from the FRIDGE, place it on a baking sheet, remove the cover, and put it in the oven at 300 degrees.

Step 3: A little while later, ask another child to please make 3 cups of rice in the rice cooker.

Step 4: Ask who wants to make brownies to go with dinner. Assign task to the willing 9 yo.

Step 5: Ask another child to please shred cheese and top the casserole with it. Said child notices the smell of brownies when he opens the oven and makes sure to ask if the cheese went in the right location because he realized cheese covered brownies would just not be a good thing. See, he was paying attention.

Step 6: Make a salad to go with dinner. Discover that the 1 yo has eaten almost all of the cherry tomatoes but decide that it will be ok with less than planned.

Step 7; Retrieve applesauce and salad dressing from the basement pantry and head upstairs to start packing the meal for delivery.

Step 8: Discover that the rice did not cook. Upon talking to the child who was assigned to make the rice, discover that they only plugged the rice maker in but never actually turned it on.

Step 9: Discover that the casserole put in the oven was retrieved from the FREEZER and not the FRIDGE and is a chicken parm casserole, not chicken and broccoli. And is now covered in cheddar cheese.

Step 10: Discover that the brownies are still mostly raw because they were placed in a 9 by 9 inch pan but cooked using the time for the 9 by 13 pan.

Step 11: Panic. Just a little. Because life. And it is now time to be out the door to deliver said dinner.

Step 12: Stop by the store and pick up cake and ice cream and pray it makes up for the chaos.

Step 13: Arrive with dinner and hear the kids say "But we already ate dinner." Laugh at the craziness of it all and say "Well, this can always go into the freezer for another day. And there's some ice cream so just make sure that doesn't get left out." Because ice cream makes everything better. Or something.

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